ANEW Hotel Parktonian: Johannesburg's BEST Luxury Escape? (You HAVE to See This!)

ANEW Hotel Parktonian Johannesburg Johannesburg South Africa

ANEW Hotel Parktonian: Johannesburg's BEST Luxury Escape? (You HAVE to See This!)

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the ANEW Hotel Parktonian: Johannesburg's BEST Luxury Escape? (You HAVE to See This!). And let me tell you, as someone who has seen a LOT of hotels, this one… well, it's a thing. Prepare for a review that's less "TripAdvisor robot" and more "your chatty, slightly-obsessed friend." Think of it as a guided tour, with me occasionally getting lost in the buffet.

First Impressions: The Entrance and the “Accessibility” Question (Let's be Honest)

Right off the bat, the ANEW Parktonian is… tall. Like, skyscraper tall. You're immediately hit with that "wow" factor. The lobby is sleek, modern, and they've even got a little garden area, which is nice. But let's get to the nitty gritty - accessibility. They say they're accessible, and they definitely have an elevator. They have facilities for disabled guests, and they even provide air conditioning in the public area. But here's where I get a little… twitchy. I didn't personally test all the specific features, so I am hesitant to make a definitive verdict. It looks good, but I always advise calling ahead and confirming all the details if accessibility is a major concern (and reading other reviews on this!). It’s frustrating, this "check's the box" approach. More effort goes into flashy lights, less into genuine accessibility… sometimes…

Rooms: My Cozy Fortress (With a Few Quibbles)

Okay, the rooms. Good. Really good. Let me paint you a picture: I sunk into that extra long bed, feeling like a queen surveying her realm. The blackout curtains were essential, because let's face it, jet lag (or just everyday exhaustion) is real. And the free Wi-Fi? Pure, unadulterated bliss. They even give you complimentary tea and bottled water. Little things, but they add up. They got a hair dryer, bathrobes, and the coveted slippers. I’m a sucker for slippers, they’re just… right?

Now, the quibbles. My room had carpeting, which, okay, fine, but it always makes me wonder about cleanliness. (Though they do have a daily housekeeping service and room sanitization options and a general focus on anti-viral cleaning - that's a serious relief in this day and age.) I also couldn’t figure out how to work the on-demand movies so I was stuck with the satellite. Internet access [LAN]? What is this, 1998? We want the free Wi-Fi! (Though to be fair, Wi-Fi is free in all rooms!). But overall, it was a fantastic sanctuary. A small complaint is that I’m not sure how I feel about the mirror placements, but that's a me problem.

Food, glorious food! (And the Occasional Buffet Binge)

Alright, let's talk about the food! Because, let's be real, a good hotel lives or dies by its dining options. The ANEW Parktonian doesn’t disappoint. You’ve got restaurants galore, a coffee shop, and even a snack bar. The breakfast [buffet]? Oh, the breakfast [buffet]! It’s a glorious spread, a chaotic masterpiece of every breakfast food imaginable. I’m not exaggerating when I say I could have spent a week just grazing there. There’s a variety of foods, including Asian breakfast and Western breakfast. I found the coffee/tea in restaurant to be wonderful and my favourite.

And you know I was super happy that there where individually-wrapped food options.

They offer Room service [24-hour], which is a lifesaver after a long flight. There's also a poolside bar and happy hour so… need I say more? I only tried the buffet, so I cannot speak about the A la carte in restaurant or Asian cuisine in restaurant. But, I feel confident saying it's up to par. And the desserts in restaurant were to die for!

Relaxation Station: Spa Day (or Attempted Spa Day)

Okay, so they have a spa! This is where I really got excited. The promise of massage, a sauna, maybe even a body wrap… pure bliss. I had a body scrub once and I still talk about it to this day. I really wanted this!

The fitness center looked pretty decent, but I’m more of a “contemplate my navel in a bathrobe” kind of person. Anyway, they've got a pool with a view (which, let’s be honest, is the ultimate Instagram flex) and a swimming pool [outdoor].

All the Other Stuff: Services, Conveniences, and (Attempted) Glamour

So much more! Concierge? Check. Cash withdrawal? Check. Dry cleaning? Check. Laundry service? Double-check. They even have a gift/souvenir shop, which is perfect for those last-minute "I-forgot-to-get-something" panics. Daily housekeeping is key. They've got a car park [free of charge] and that helps.

For the business travelers, there's a business center with all the trimmings (Xerox/fax in business center, meeting/banquet facilities). I could care less about meetings, but hey, it's there.

Safety and Cleanliness: Keeping It Real in the Real World

This is SO important. They seem to take cleanliness and safety seriously. They had anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, and the staff are trained in safety protocol. This is reassuring in a world where, sadly, you have to think about these things. They also have CCTV in common areas and 24-hour security.

The Emotional Verdict

Alright, the big question: Would I recommend the ANEW Hotel Parktonian? Absolutely. It’s comfortable, it's convenient, and it’s got that touch of luxury that makes you feel like you're actually on vacation. It’s not perfect (nothing ever is!), but for the price and the experience, it’s a winner. Could be better. Could be worse. The front desk [24-hour] were always polite, and helpful.

SEO-Friendly Summary (Because We Have To!):

Looking for a truly unforgettable hotel experience in Johannesburg? The ANEW Hotel Parktonian delivers on luxury and convenience. Featuring stunning city views, a fantastic spa, and delicious dining options, this hotel caters to both leisure and business travelers. With amenities like free Wi-Fi, comfortable rooms, and attentive service, you'll be able to relax and enjoy your stay. It goes above and beyond with air conditioning in public area, non-smoking rooms, car park [free of charge], elevator. Don’t miss this Johannesburg gem!

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Here's the deal: Book your stay at the ANEW Hotel Parktonian, and I'll personally guarantee you get at least one memorable breakfast moment (think: a slightly overstuffed plate, a lingering gaze at the coffee machine, and general contentment). Book before [Date] and you’ll get a free cocktail at the poolside bar! Don't miss out on this amazing opportunity.

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(Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the ANEW Hotel Parktonian. But I really like buffets.)

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ANEW Hotel Parktonian Johannesburg Johannesburg South Africa

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. We're going full-on chaos in Johannesburg, South Africa, with me, your unreliable narrator, leading the charge from the supposedly swanky ANEW Hotel Parktonian. Prepare for a bumpy ride… emotionally, physically, and probably metaphorically.

Day 1: Arrival and the Promise of Glamour (and Immediate Disappointment)

• Morning (ish) - Arrival and Hotel Debacle: Landed in Jozi, smelling the air, feeling hopeful. That quickly dissipated. Let's just say the Parktonian, in reality, didn't quite match the glossy photos. "Modern Elegance" translates to "faded floral wallpaper and a vaguely stained carpet" in my book. My room? Let's call it a "cozy challenge." The aircon sounded like a dying walrus, and the view? A brick wall. Okay, deep breaths. You're in Africa! You're alive!
• Afternoon - Melville's Allure (and the Quest for the Perfect Coffee): Decided to brave the Melville area. Apparently, it's hipster central. Finding my way around was a little like navigating a poorly designed maze, but finally found my way into a little coffee shop called "Antiquated" something or the other. After the terrible coffee from my room, I thought this would be a great coffee escape. The coffee turned out to be just okay, but the atmosphere was really a whole vibe - full of mismatched furniture and people actually reading books (imagine that!). I spent a good chunk of time there just people-watching, which is arguably the most rewarding human activity. I also overheard the most dramatic conversation about a lost cat names Princess Fluffybutt, which has me chuckling even now.
• Evening - Dinner at a "Trendy" Restaurant (and the Art of the Side-Eye): The hotel recommended a place called "The Leopard." Sounded exotic and interesting. It was…okay. Food was fine, but the clientele? Let's just say I felt a little out of place in my travel-worn jeans and slightly-too-loud shirt. The waiter certainly gave me the side-eye when I ordered tap water. Rude. However, I did overhear a table of loud, clearly very important business people talking about the latest market trends, which I found endlessly entertaining.

Day 2: History, Heartbreak, and a Whole Lot of Sunshine

• Morning - Hello, History! (and a Traffic Nightmare): Tried to go to the Apartheid Museum. Getting THERE was a marathon. Johannesburg traffic is not for the faint of heart. I swear I saw a donkey cart overtake a BMW. But the museum itself? Wow. Utterly heartbreaking, utterly essential. The raw, unflinching honesty of the exhibits hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so moved that I forgot lunch, and I'm pretty sure I teared up more than once.
• Afternoon - A Deep Dive into Soweto (and the Power of Resilience): Spent the afternoon in Soweto, specifically visiting Mandela House and the Hector Pieterson Memorial. Again, a gut punch, but different this time. Less despair, more…inspiration. Seeing the small house where Mandela lived for so many years, in it's near-pristine condition, reminded me of my childhood home. It wasn't a mansion, it was just a small little family home. I met a tour guide, a retired schoolteacher born in Soweto. He was incredibly enthusiastic and charming. He told stories about the community, how they took this great loss and became a beautiful testimony to how the world will get better. The people here… they radiate a kind of hope you don't see everywhere. The sense of history and the joy of these people was truly a sight to behold and has stayed with me ever since.
• Evening - Pizza and the End of "Glamour": Back at the hotel, I was utterly exhausted, emotionally and physically. Decided to skip the fancy dinner plans and ordered a pizza from a delivery place. It wasn't the best pizza I've ever had, but it was warm, cheesy, and a welcome comfort after a day of intense experiences. Realized the Parktonian was a total bust. Decided to get a refund. Time to go to sleep.

Day 3: Animals, Adventure, and Existential Dread

• Morning - The Lion Park. Because Lions: Okay, so I'm not the kind of person who's particularly comfortable around big, toothy predators. But… lions! I saw lions! And cheetas! It was surprisingly thrilling, though I spent most of the time peering at the fences in abject terror, making sure there were no gaps. The cubs were ridiculously cute, though. Maybe this counts as "spiritual healing"?
• Afternoon - Gold Reef City (and a Ferris Wheel of Regret): So Gold Reef City, the old gold mine where I tried to experience some time traveling. It's also an amusement park. Which I thought would be a good distraction. Turns out? Nope. The sheer noise and the relentless energy made me feel…well, older than I am. Rode the Ferris wheel, which offered fantastic views, but also a profound sense of existential dread. Does anyone really know what they're doing with their lives? It's a big question!
• Evening - The Last Supper (and a Flight of Fancy): The Parktonian offered a decent buffet at its restaurant. Which was decent. Not bad. Had a last dinner, feeling a little sad to be leaving this chaotic, complicated city. Watched the sky as the sun set, getting ready for the plan to fly home.

Reflections & Ramblings:

Johannesburg. You, my dear, are a paradox wrapped in a riddle, smothered in traffic, and sprinkled with sunshine. You'll break your heart, make you laugh until you cry, and test your resilience. You'll also remind you that life is a beautiful, messy, and deeply contradictory thing. The hotel experience was less than desirable, but you showed me the power of a community, the enduring value of history, and the enduring thrill of seeing lions. Would I go back? Absolutely. But next time, I'm definitely booking a different hotel.

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ANEW Hotel Parktonian Johannesburg Johannesburg South AfricaOkay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the question, "Is ANEW Hotel Parktonian in Johannesburg really that good?" And let me tell you, after my stay... well, let's just say my expectations were... elevated. Prepare for a FAQ that's as messy and wonderful as a proper South African braai.

1. Okay, spill the beans. Is the Parktonian *actually* a luxury escape? Like, REAL luxury?

Alright, alright, you want the truth. Okay, here it is: YES. And no. See? Already complicated! The *building* itself... grand gesture. Imagine a glorious wedding cake, but instead of icing, it’s all sleek glass and concrete, dominating the Joburg skyline. Stunning. The *rooms*? Spacious. Think "I could actually do yoga in here" spacious. Luxury? Yes. But let's be real, my first room had a slightly wonky air conditioner. Just a *tiny* hiccup. It was fixed promptly, but hey! Even paradise needs a little patch-up, right? That’s South Africa. I'd personally call it "Luxe-ish" - in a fantastically charming way.

2. What's the food *really* like? Because hotel food can be... a gamble.

Oh, the food. This is where things get... interesting. Breakfast buffet? Legend! The croissants? Flaky, buttery, almost sinful. Their eggs benedict? Perfectly poached, hollandaise like liquid gold. (Okay, maybe they weren't *perfectly* poached, one time the yolk was a bit... firm. But hey, I'm being *picky* here!). The dinner menu, though? A bit... *meh*, unless you order their signature dishes. The grilled prawns were DIVINE, I kid you not, I almost licked the plate clean. Their risotto, however...let's just say it needed a boost of flavor. It's a mixed bag, darling, a beautiful, delicious, sometimes slightly disappointing mixed bag. But the views from the dining room? Unbeatable, especially for sundowners. That's where they win.

3. The pool. Is it as Instagrammable as it looks?

The pool...oh, THAT pool. Yes. Absolutely yes. It's the kind of pool that makes you want to instantly post a selfie. I did. And then another one. And *maybe* another. The view is incredible, the water is sparkling, and even though I can't swim, I was tempted to just... wade in. I even saw a couple of professional photographers creating a shoot there, and I felt like I was in a magazine. (Ok, I *felt* like the magazine was *me*.) The only downside? It can get a *little* crowded, but honestly, that just added to the fabulous, international vibe.

4. How's the service? Are the staff friendly, or just... polite?

The staff? Bless their hearts. Mostly lovely, helpful, and genuinely warm. There’s a level of genuine hospitality you can't fake. I swear, I think they’d move the moon and stars if you asked politely. One time I had a small issue with my luggage, and they went above and beyond to fix it. But, and there's always a *but*, they're not perfect. There’s a slight unevenness sometimes - one person might be incredibly attentive, the next, well… let's just say they're still learning the ropes. But overall? Definitely friendly, and they *try*, and that makes all the difference.

5. Okay, I'm sold. But... what's the location like? Safe? Close to stuff?

The location is *okay* - it's in Braamfontein, which is a bit of a mixed bag. During the day, it's awesome, close to museums, art galleries, and cool cafes. At night? Let's be honest, Johannesburg can be a little... unpredictable. I wouldn't stroll around alone at night. Uber is your best friend, absolutely. They have great security at the hotel itself, and that certainly helped me to relax and know I was safe. Just be street smart, and you'll be fine.

6. What about the spa? Is it worth it?

Ah, the spa! I indulged. Absolutely worth it. I had the full body massage. I am not joking when I say, I melted into the massage table. I went in feeling like a crumpled piece of paper, and came out feeling like, well, like the most relaxed, pampered, happy piece of paper that ever existed. It was blissful, truly. The therapists are skilled, the ambiance is serene, and for a couple of hours, you forget about the stresses of the real world. Just... pure, unadulterated bliss. Treat yourself. You deserve it.

7. Is it worth the price? Because "luxury" can be expensive.

This is the million-dollar question, isn't it? Is the ANEW Hotel Parktonian worth the price? Honestly? YES. In short, it’s a little slice of luxury, with some South African charm sprinkled on top. It isn't perfect, but its hard not to love the place and its staff. When you're deciding, weigh the good with the bad and decide if its for you.

8. Any final thoughts? Would you go back?

Final thoughts? Absolutely. I'd go back in a heartbeat. It's a fantastic place to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. Relax, reboot and have a great time. It's not just a hotel; it's an experience. And even with the minor imperfections, (and the slightly wobbly air conditioner), it's an experience I'd happily repeat. So, pack your bags, embrace the adventure, and get ready for a memorable stay. And tell them I sent you! (Just kidding... mostly).

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ANEW Hotel Parktonian Johannesburg Johannesburg South Africa

ANEW Hotel Parktonian Johannesburg Johannesburg South Africa

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